shiawasseecounty.net

A Day in the Life of Animal Rescue

-- Author Unknown --

Hello. You have reached 123-4567, Tender Hearts Rescue. Due to the
high volume of calls we have been receiving, please listen closely to
the following options and choose the one that best describes you or
your situation:

Press 1 if you think we are veterinarians and want free medical
advice.

Press 2 if you know we are a rescue organization but want to save
money and have us give you free, untrained medical advice anyway.

Press 3 if you make $200,000 a year but still want us to pay to spay
the "stray" in your yard (house).

Press 4 if you have a 10-year-old dog and your 15-year-old son has
suddenly become allergic and you need to find the dog a new home
right away.

Press 5 if you have three dogs, had a baby and want to get rid of
your dogs because you are the only person in the world to have a baby
and dogs at the same time.

Press 6 if your dog is sick and needs a vet but you need the money
for your vacation.

Press 7 if you just got a brand new puppy and your old dog is having
problems adjusting so you want to get rid of the old one right away.

Press 8 if your little puppy has grown up and is no longer small and
cute and you want to trade it in for a new model.

Press 9 if you are elderly and want to adopt a cute puppy who is not
active and is going to outlive you.

Press 10 if your relative has died and you don't want to care for
their elderly dog because it doesn't fit your lifestyle.

Press 11 if you are moving TODAY and need to immediately place your
150 pound, 8-year-old dog.

Press 12 if you want an unpaid volunteer to come to your home TODAY
and pick up the dog you no longer want.

Press 13 if you have been feeding and caring for a "stray" for the
last three years, are moving and suddenly determine it's not your
dog.

Press 14 if you are calling at 6 a.m. to make sure you wake me up
before I have to go to work so you can drop a dog off on your way to
work.

Press 15 to leave us an anonymous garbled message, letting us know
you have left a dog in our yard in the middle of January, which is in
fact, better than just leaving the dog with no message.

Press 16 if you are going to get angry because we are not going to
take your dog that you have had for 15 years, because it is not our
responsibility.

Press 17 if you are going to threaten to take your ten-year-old dog
to be euthanized because I won't take it.

Press18 if you're going to get angry because the volunteers had the
audacity to go on vacation and leave the dogs in care of a trusted
volunteer who is not authorized to take your personal pet.

Press 19 if you want one of our perfectly trained, housebroken, kid
and cat friendly purebred tiny dogs that we have an abundance of.

Press 20 if you want us to take your dog that has a slight aggression
problem, i.e. has only bitten a few people and killed your neighbors'
cats.

Press 21 if you have already called once and been told we don't take
personal surrenders but thought you would get a different person this
time with a different answer.

Press 22 if you want us to use space that would go to a stray to
board your personal dog while you are on vacation, free of charge, of
course.

Press 23 if it is Christmas Eve or Easter morning and you want me to
deliver an eight-week-old puppy to your house by 6:30 am before your
kids wake up.

Press 24 if you have bought your children a duckling, chick or baby
bunny for Easter and it is now Christmas and no longer cute.

Press 25 if you want us to take your female dog who has already had
ten litters, but we can't spay her because she is pregnant again and
it is against your religion.

Press 26 if you're lying to make one of our younger volunteers feel
bad and take your personal pet off your hands.

Press 27 if your cat is biting and not using the litter box because
it is declawed, but you are not willing to accept the responsibility
that the cat's behavior is altered because of your nice furniture.

Press 28 if your two-year-old male dog is marking all over your house
but you just haven't gotten around to having him neutered.

Press 29 if you previously had an outdoor only dog and are calling
because she is suddenly pregnant.

Press 30 if you have done "everything" to housebreak your dog and
have had no success but you don't want to crate the dog because it is
cruel.

Press 31 if you didn't listen to the message asking for an evening
phone number and you left your work number when all volunteers are
also working and you are angry because no one called you back.

Press 32 if you need a puppy immediately and cannot wait because
today is your daughter's birthday and you forgot when she was born.

Press 33 if your dog's coat doesn't match your new furniture and you
need a different color or breed.

Press 34 if your new love doesn't like your dog and you are too
stupid to get rid of the new friend (who will dump you in the next
month anyway) instead of the dog.

Press 35 if you went through all these presses and didn't hear
enough. This press will connect you to the sounds of tears being shed
by one of our volunteers who is holding a discarded old dog while the
vet mercifully frees him from the grief of missing his family.

I SALUTE YOU, RESCUERS AND VOLUNTEERS!!!

HELP NEEDED ASAP:

Please help!!!! After two long years of being on a waiting list for an agility dog, we have been notified by the breeder that, at long last, our number has come up and ...

WE ARE HAVING A PUPPY!!!

We must get rid of our children IMMEDIATELY because we just know how time consuming our new little puppy is going to be and it just wouldn't be fair to the children. Since our little puppy will be arriving on Monday we MUST place the children into rescue this weekend!

They are described as:

One male - His name is Tommy, Caucasian (English/Irish mix), light blonde hair, blue eyes. Four years old. Excellent disposition. He doesn't bite. Temperament tested. Does have problems with peeing directly in the toilet. Has had chicken pox and is current on all shots. Tonsils have already been removed. Tommy eats everything, is very clean, house trained & gets along well with others. Does not run with scissors and with a little training he should be able to read soon.

One female - Her name is Lexie, Caucasian (English/Irish mix), strawberry blonde hair, green eyes, quite freckled. Two years old. Can be surly at times. Non-biter, thumb sucker. Has been temperament tested but needs a little attitude adjusting occasionally. She is current on all shots, tonsils out, and is very healthy & can be affectionate. Gets along well with other little girls & little boys but does not like to share her toys and therefore would do best in a one-child household. She is a very quick learner and is currently working on her house training -- shouldn't take long at all.

We really do LOVE our children so much and want to do what's right for them; that is why we contacted a rescue group. But we simply can no longer keep them. Also, we are afraid that they may hurt our new puppy.

I hope you understand that ours is a UNIQUE situation and we have a real emergency here!!! They MUST be placed into your rescue by Sunday night at the latest or we will be forced to drop them off at the orphanage or along some dark, country road. Our priority now has to be our new puppy.